Some of the Best Math Jokes I Have Found
In my meanderings around the web, I have come across many, many math jokes. Unfortunately, not many of these are funny. The jokes that I have found to be funny were posted on the Facebook page at one time or another – most of them; the ones that were not suitable for all family members were left out – mostly.
Anyway, here is a list of the ones I thought were very good. They are not in any particular order. If you have any that you feel should be added, please add yours in the comments! Enjoy!!
A father who is very much concerned about his son’s bad grades in math decides to register him at a catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He’s getting “A”s in math. The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: “Why are your math grades suddenly so good?” “You know”, the son explains, “when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!”
Q: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.
Q: How do you make seven an even number?
A: Take the s out!
Mathematician 1: “What is the integral of 1/cabin?”
Mathematician 2: “log cabin.”
Mathematician 1: “Wrong, houseboat–you forgot the C.”
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: The answer is trivial and is left as an exercise for the reader.
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One: he gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that has already been solved.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one goes up to the bar and orders a drink. The second one goes up and orders half a drink. The third orders 1/4 drink. The fourth orders 1/8 drink, and so on. The bartender, a little overwhelmed, asks the mathematicians, “Hey, guys, are you sure you want to do this? Isn’t that a bit much?” to which the mathematicians reply, “Oh, don’t
worry, we know our limits.”
Q: Where do math teachers go on vacation?
A: Times Square.
Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems?
Student: Nope – I got them all wrong by myself!
Q: What does the little mermaid wear?
A: An algae-bra.
Three statisticians go out hunting together. After a while they spot a solitary rabbit. The first statistician takes aim and overshoots. The second aims and undershoots. The third shouts out “Looks like We got him!”
Q: What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
A: Nothing. You can’t cross a vector and a scalar.
The mother of already three is pregnant with her fourth child. One evening, the eldest daughter says to her dad: “Do you know, daddy, what I’ve found out?” “No.” “The new baby will be Chinese!” “What?!” “Yes. I’ve read in the paper that statistics shows that every fourth child born nowadays is Chinese…”
When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. “Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer…”
Q: Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
A: Because you should not drink and derive…
Q: How many molecules are in a bowl of guacamole?
A: Avacado’s Number
Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work – the philosopher can do without the trash bin.
There was a statistician that drowned while crossing a river… It was 3 feet deep on average.
Q: Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?
A: Because it had more cents.